


The nights we felt alive

by twoheadlights (fizzfic)



Series: tour fics [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, The Amazing Tour Is Not on Fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7308196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzfic/pseuds/twoheadlights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Dolby, Dan would like to sleep but there's too many thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The nights we felt alive

**Author's Note:**

> "that was disgusting you write terrible things"-charlotte 
> 
> title is from [vegas by all time low](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_wVvkRyIWw)
> 
> i only wrote this fic at 4-6am not before, not after. ALSO listen to the following songs while reading for extra feelz:  
> AM by one direction  
> king of the world by young rising sons  
> long live by taylor swift  
> sweet disposition by the temper trap  
> vegas by all time low

Dan can't sleep. He doesn't mind it much – years of experience have made him immune to the tiredness that accompanies the failure to take a temporary departure from the real world and slip into his subconscious.

So he lies awake, having checked the time – 4AM, a classic – ready to reflect.

He first thinks of similar nights more than seven years ago where he would stare at the ceiling wondering where he was headed. What life had in store for him. And if life _didn't_ have anything in store for him, then he was expected to pave his own path and the weight of that responsibility terrified Dan.

He still feels the weight, but it's noticeably lighter. Dan turns his head to his left, where Phil is turned away from him, fast asleep. His ears aren't still ringing from their last ever US show in Dolby fucking theater. They'd made such a big deal about it up until they were backstage. And then they walked out and the cameras were forgotten, Dan looked at Phil and that – that _look_ on his face was what always does it for Dan. His _we made it_ face. His eyes wide, his mouth slightly open as he stares at the people all there to see them. It makes it all seem worth it.

And it's not like all this hasn't occurred to Dan before. He thinks about it every second his mind isn't preoccupied with lines and cues and times and _hug, but not too tight in case they don't like it_ and _please don't write illegibly on purpose oh fuck you mess well anyway better luck next time_. He half wishes Phil was awake so he could share his thoughts with someone else. But they're so incoherent, even with Phil's incredible understanding of how Dan works, it would probably be hard to articulate.

Dan stares at the ceiling, resting his head on his right arm. He's the happiest he's ever been. He told Phil that on the first night of tour in the bus. Nothing has changed. They have everything figured out; it's almost too good to be true. But it _is_. True, that is. It's happening, they're making it happen.

The people they shared it with. Phil's brother, Cornelia, the merch team, venue people, _everyone_. His family on the road on the other side of the ocean. He saw them taking pictures and compiling them in albums. He wonders if they'll show their children. Tell them stories about driving around the country. He hopes they will. It'd be nice to be remembered.

Memories. He knows no matter how special, people forget. It's natural. He'd be lucky to be remembered by half of the people who've met him for the rest of their lives. People who would talk about Dan and Phil and their World. If they'll keep the book and tickets and wristbands to show the future generation. If they'll remain significant.

He hums a tune softly, all too familiar by now. _Without the internet…_

He tries to imagine a life without Phil in it. Phil, completely and utterly intertwined with him in every sense of the word, who completes him. The only one fitting to end the phrase _Dan and._

It feels like the end but Dan knows it isn't. They're going to Australia, talking about seeing the rest of the world after. It's just the beginning. They're only getting started, really. When will it stop? Never in an ideal world, for Dan.

He smiles because four years ago, the thought would've worried him. He would need Phil to rub his back, kiss his forehead and tell him nice things. Now he turns on his side and wraps his arm around Phil's waist and burying his face between his shoulder blades and shuts his eyes, willing his mind to rest.

As his grip on the world around him loosens, he sees a blurry image of a much younger Phil grinning devilishly at him, saying something but he's already asleep and he'll never remember when he wakes up.

-

 _“I am_ terrified _.” Dan says for probably the hundredth time in the last five minutes._

_“Shh. People are already watching.” Phil replies but his voice is breaking slightly. Dan closes two windows so his computer doesn't give up totally and he loses Phil at this very crucial time._

_He stares at the YouTube video he has paused on his own face next to Phil's just weeks ago. He's too embarrassed to watch it; not because it was_ bad, _but he knows he'll automatically start looking for mistakes and faults and then Phil will get upset and he doesn't like that._

_“The views are in triple digits already.” He says for the sake of it and because that makes it more real._

_“Yeah, 'cos I'm really popular.”_

_Dan rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Of course.”_

_“Hey, this content is life-changing.” Phil says defensively. “People will remember us for this. We'll be the Cat Whisker Duo or something.”_

_Dan now looks at Phil's Skype window with a raised eyebrow. “I'm not going to be part of a duo with a name like_ that _. It's bad enough I agreed with Phil is not on fire.”_

_“Better than Amazing Dan.” Phil retorts. “What would you suggest other than that then, Mister I'm Better Than Phil At Names?”_

_Dan thinks. He hates being put on the spot. “Um. Dan and Phil? I dunno, I mean, it's just our names together and…” He feels himself get red because actually, their names together sounds somehow right and good, kind of like how he'd felt fully at home in Phil's arms._

_Phil grins widely then, and he has a_ look _, which makes Dan feel all giddy and fluttery in his tummy and he has to bite back a sigh. “That's perfect.” Phil says. “Dan and Phil. I think we'll rule the world, don't you?”_

_“What, with our cat face pen and incredible chemistry? How could we not?”_

_Not that anyone's ever going to remember two boys boys_ _laughing at the word glabella when they're like eighty, but it's a nice thought all the same._

-

 _They don't speak on the way back home after their first ever official radio show. They sit side by side on the train, walk in step with each other to their apartment, nod at each other before retreating to their respective bedrooms. It takes all but three minutes for Dan to decide there's no way in_ hell _he's staying away from Phil that night._

_He knocks the door and turns the knob to open it when Phil makes a sound allowing him inside._

_“Hey.” Dan says, walking in cautiously._

_Phil's lips curl up to a form a small smile. He steps forward, closer to Dan and spreads his arms wide. “Come here, please.”_

_Dan lets himself practically fall into Phil's arms and although it isn't as dramatic as it feels, it's like he's home._

_“We did good today, I think.” Phil comments. “I mean, there were screw ups but nothing anyone can_ prove _.”_

_“Prove.” Dan repeats bemusedly. “So, like. This is happening. Until I inevitably do something illegal or just really offensive, this is actually happening every week?”_

_“Yup.”_

_“Wild.”_

_Dan has no idea just_ how _wild yet though._

-

_It’s one of those nights, but it’s not. Somehow, this night is the one where everything changes. They’re sat in the lounge, limbs as entangled as Phil’s stiff ones allow, in silence. And then Dan speaks up._

_“We’ve made a world.”_

_Phil sits up. “We have?”_

_Dan nods. “Look around you. Our own home is...is part of something huge.”_

_“The cosmos, we’ve covered this.” But Phil isn’t mocking. He’s actually trying to understand what Dan is saying, or at least attempting to articulate._

_“No, no, no. I mean,” he sighs. “Dan and Phil. Us. Everything we’ve done together, individually, in relation to each other somehow. It’s become our life. Even if we weren’t, you know,” he gestures between the two of them with a knowing expression, “our names linked together forever the moment we decided on the name_ Phil is not on fire _for our first ever video together.”_

_Phil listens intently, even trying to sit up completely straight, but his posture is lost cause and he’s still leaning in slightly._

_“I was thinking we could write a book,” Dan continues, his mind racing and his hands already waving around wildly. “We could compile things that iconically_ us, _y’know? I still have the questions from Phil is not on fire, and I dunno, we could talk about our lives_ before _any of this happened, our own channels, the gaming channel…” He can somehow already see it. He doesn't know what it'll be called, or how long it will be or even if Phil will like it._

_He breathes deeply through his nose and takes a moment to study how Phil has consumed everything. Half a minute passes and Phil grins._

_“Okay, let's do it.” Phil says._

_Dan lets out a kind of breathy laugh and then full on lets go, howling because he's so happy. He leans into Phil and feels his embrace, his lips touch the top of his head. He looks up and kisses Phil on the lips, feeling too many things all at once and it's...good. Better than. Best._

-

“Dan? _Dan,_ c'moonnn, I want to have breakfast, wake up.”

His eyes fly open and he blinks. Phil. His voice is coming from the edge of the bed. His arms are crossed and his glasses are crooked on the bridge of his nose. He isn't smiling; quite the opposite. He's grumpy. Dan isn't sure what he's done because he's still thinking about his dream that's quickly ebbing away back into his unconscious.

Oh wait. _Breakfast_.

“'m up.” Dan mutters, moving the covers off him. He stretches. “Lesgogetcoffee.”

Phil smiles now. “Finally.” He turns around and goes to the table to prepare their plates while Dan goes to the en suite bathroom to freshen up.

He stares at his reflection in the mirror. Twenty five year and two weeks old Dan stares back. A smile creeps up on his face as he realises that it wasn't a dream. It's real. It happened. It's happening _now_ . They're making their mark on the world, their unbearably small but important mark together. He's so happy. The happiest he's ever been. With his favourite person in the whole wide world who will be remembered along with him, their names forever together, never apart. Is there _anything_ better than that?

**Author's Note:**

> like and reblog on [tumblr](http://phanwich.tumblr.com/post/146500152585/the-nights-we-felt-alive)!


End file.
